Thursday, January 27, 2011

Warning: A lot of aiimless rambling ahead!!

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. Luckily, I've been sleeping a lot better these past few nights. I'm glad about that because who knows what kind of a state I'd be in if I hadn't been able to sleep. I feel like I'm on a bike, peddling yet I'm not going anywhere. On the plus side, my GI symptoms seem to have lessened. For that I am grateful!!

It seems like once a week I have to send a check to the school for one thing or another. It's Elizabeth's Senior year, so I guess that's understandable. This week it was $27 for the cap and gown plus $65 for her field trip to Indianapolis for FCCLA. I still have the book fee to pay for this semester too. I'm wondering where the bill is though as I have yet to receive it (not that I'm complaining). Oh, there's also her housing deposit for next year which is due in March. I can't let these money issues bring me down though as we are doing better than ever financially. I'm thankful that we have the money to pay; even if it does leave things a little tight sometimes.

So, the past few days I've been a cleaning machine! I have done more than I have in a long time. Of course, I am paying for it physically. That's ok, though, I think I really needed a few days to live like I used to live. It's a trade-off that's for sure. I've realized though that I continually need to find ways to strike a balance in my life. I want to be a contributing member of society. I want to do what I need and want to do for my family and friends. I'm feeling guilty because I have emails to answer and phone calls to make. Unfortunately, those are things that get pushed to the bottom of the list. After I do the things I have to do....prepare meals, clean (the bare minimum), laundry, work, I have very little energy for other things; this saddens me because so many of those things are the things that bring me joy. I guess I'll get it all figured out some day.

Is it just me, or does time seem to speed up the older we get? I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that our baby will be 18 next month!!! I try so hard to remember everything from my children's childhood, yet I feel as if I don't remember nearly enough. I feel as if so much of it is a blur. I want to live in the here and now because that is truly all we have. I want to have memories and not feel as if the past was one big sprint to the present. Am I making any sense here? In the past, I lived so much of my life in the future; I would dream about what life would be like when I was married; then I would dream about what life would be like when we had kids, etc. I always had my eye on the future and what it would bring. While I think it's good for us to have goals, they can't be the sole focus of our life. When we allow that to happen, then we can't enjoy the present. Gee!! What's up with me today. I'm awfully philosophical, aren't I?

 I need to go and enjoy my present, Day's of Our Lives (just one of my guilty pleasures). Then, lunch, and perhaps a chance to read one of my many books (Oh, why did I start so many at once?); then it's time to do some work for my job.

Have a blessed day everyone!

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