Thursday, February 17, 2011

Does this Disease Make My Knees Look Fat?

I'll start out with some uplifting thoughts; then I'll move on to reality. ;) Saturday is our youngest daughter's 18th birthday! In preparation for her party, she has been a cleaning machine. Today, after school, she cleaned her room, the loft, the upstairs bathroom, and hallway. She even vacuumed and dusted. Whew! Just thinking about it wears me out. I managed to dust our great room today, but I'm going to leave the vacuuming until late tomorrow. It seems to get dirty fast, and I'd just need to do it again before her party. I no longer vacuum two or three times a week like I did before I got sick. Just knowing that the upstairs (except Katie's room) is clean makes me feel all good inside. I know, I'm pathetic! At least it doesn't take a whole lot to make me happy.

So, this morning (yes, we are moving on to my reality) I woke up with joint pain. My ankles, knees, wrists and elbows hurt. My ankles are the worst! Both of my knees  (or maybe they're just fat) are swollen and one of my ankles. I don't know what to think of this development. At one point, early in my illness, I was tested (repeatedly) for both Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I did have some positive blood work, but not enough to make a diagnosis, naturally! Since Myasthenia Gravis is an autoimmune disease and because I have a close family member with RA, that puts me at an increased risk for another autoimmune disease. I'm not too worried about it now, but I think it's worth keeping an eye on things. I've been taking Tylenol every four hours today to help with the pain and to ward off a residual headache that might creep in. I'm still having some pain, though, and I can tell when it is wearing off.

Tonight, I went to a grief support group at my church. It was the first meeting and my first time to go to such a group. Besides the leader, there were five other people there. Everyone was dealing with grief in some way. Some people had lost spouses, some parents, and then there was me, who had lost a very close friend. Even though I seem to be coping fairly well with Cindy's (my best friend who suddenly died this past October) death, I still feel as though I could get some benefit from going. It would be awesome if I could help others in some way too.

It's late in the evening now; rather it is early in the morning. 12:50 a.m. to be exact. I just woke up in excruciating pain. My knees, elbows, and ankles. Why does the song Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes keep popping in my head? My knees are swollen again/still. I think I'm going to call the doctor and see if I can't get in to see him today. The joint pain and swelling are worrying me. I just showed Tim my knees, and he had no comment. Men! I know they are swollen, but he acted as though it was no big deal. I have to remember though that he cannot feel the pain I am having. Still, it would have made me feel better if he would have offered some words of encouragement. Then again, I have to remember he just got home from working twelve long hours, and he is probably tired and stressed out. Man, this trying to be understanding business is hard! I want to say to him...."I'm scared! I'm worried! I don't want to have something else wrong with me. I don't want to be in this much pain. Hold me, please!" Then, I want him to grab me and hold me and tell me that I will be OK. That it probably would be a good idea for me to see the doctor. And, that whatever this ends up being we will get through it together. Oh, geez! How many romance novels, Hallmark movies do you think I've read/seen??? This is no movie; it's real life. I know he loves me. I also know that he sometimes has trouble showing affection and telling me how he feels. I just need to keep remembering that.  I could have a virus that I will get over in a matter of days. Although I have to say that while I know joint pain can be part of a bug, but I'm not so sure about the joint swelling. I guess that, in light of my history of elevated ANA's, (autoimmune markers in blood) has me concerned.

Well, I need to take some more Tylenol and try to get to sleep. I can feel the anxiety creeping in. I seem to get anxious when I am in a lot of pain; especially when it is late at night. This is my reality.

Have a blessed day everyone!

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