Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Send More Spoons

I'm sorry I'm not going to have a more upbeat entry today. I have not been doing very well. The past few days I have been feeling really bad. I've pushed myself to keep on going and I've paid for it dearly. I have no more spoons left! For those of you who are wondering "What the heck is she talking about?"  You can read about it here:  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Here's what I did today. I got up, took the dog for a walk, took a bath, and cleaned the kitchen (not all of it, but most of it), Then, I went to get gas for the car and headed over to the nursing home for a meeting with the hospice team and nursing home staff regarding my mother. I came home and ate a quick lunch and collapsed. I'm not being overly dramatic either. I took my Mestinon (med for the Maysthenia) and waited for it to work. While waiting for it to kick in I started to have some anxiety and just really felt bad. I started to drive myself to the ER, but decided against it. Then, I thought I'd head over to my doctor's office as he told me to come see him when I felt this way. By the time I got over there I was starting to feel a bit better and really did not want to have to wait in the waiting room for an hour or more. So, I went home and went straight to bed. I only slept for about a half an hour, which wasn't much, but it helped some. As is usually the case, just writing it all out helps me to see how I have just done too much.

So, tomorrow I have to go to work for about an hour. Honestly, I'm not going to do anything else. I'm going to come straight home and go to bed. I'd like to make some potato soup, but maybe I can have Katie make it. Tim is out of town this week covering all of the Super Bowl pre-game festivities up in Indianapolis. I hate that I'm doing so poorly when he's gone. And, I sure wish that he was home.

Last week I got my W2 from work. I was comparing it to last years and I realized that I made $2000 less this year than last. To me that is so pretty hard evidence of my decline. I don't think I can keep on going the way I have been. The trouble is, I've got three or four separate projects I'm working on and I don't feel as if I can just hand them over to someone else. I guess I really just don't want to. I was trying to work more hours, and that is just not working out. It's so frustrating. There's a chance that Tim may be getting another job. This job will be a big, big jump in pay. If he gets it I will probably seriously consider quiting my job. I guess I'll wait and see how that all plays out.

I'm trying to stay positive and not dwell on the negatives, but it gets really difficult sometime. I am supposed to be going to the Winterjam concert Thursday night. For those of you not familiar with that, it's a concert made up of about ten Christian bands. I went last year and it was awesome! I know it wont be the end of the world if I can't go, but I'll be very disappointed. It seems as though I am missing out on so many things these days and I don't like it one bit! I know I have so much to be thankful for and that things could be so much worse, etc, etc

Well, I need to try and get some sleep. Thanks for stopping by.

Shari

2 comments:

  1. I love the "spoon" theory & borrowed the link. My mom & I always say we get up in the morning with only a partly charged battery & have to use that energy wisely as we never get fully charged. Then once the energy is gone, that's it we're horizontal.

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  2. I like your description of being like a battery. It describes what we deal with daily. I hope you have a charged up battery and a lot of spoons! Thanks for your comment!

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